WARNING - you may find this next paragraph to be graphic
Up ahead on the road, we saw there was an accident. As we approached, you could see a man lying on the pavement next to his motorbike. We knew at once he was dead as there was no one near him, no rush of an emergency. As we drove by, this man - probably in his 30's - was lying in a pool of his own blood, his body was at an awkward angle, his leg was completely torn apart with his broken bones sticking through. It was a terribly awful sight, but I couldn't tear my eyes away for that second that we passed by. Like the majority of Thai people, this man wasn't wearing a helmet. I'm not sure if it would have saved his life in this incident or not.The rest of our journey back to Chiang Mai, I could do nothing but think of this man. The accident must not have occurred more than 15 minutes before we drove by. So many people had gathered around on the side of the road and his family was probably not even aware that anything had happened. I kept wondering where this guy was headed...maybe his wife had sent him to the market to pick something up for dinner and was waiting and waiting for him to return. Perhaps he rushed so quickly from his home that he didn't even say "goodbye" to his family. This man had absolutely NO idea in knowing that this very drive on his motorbike would be his last. I feel so terribly sorry for his family - his wife or girlfriend, mother, father, brother, sister, children - who were to receive the news this afternoon that someone they loved would not be returning home.
I have seen many dead bodies in my life - I worked at a cemetery during one of my college summers, sometimes helping set up the viewing rooms. This was nothing like that. To see someone lying on the pavement whose body was probably still warm, whose body was completely broken, it made me realize what delicate creatures we are. We can snap like a twig in a fraction of a second. We're as strong as we are, until we aren't anymore. Anything can be easy until it isn't. Passing by a car on a motorbike is easy, until that one terrible moment when something goes wrong.
Like everyone else, I've had my fair share of loved ones passing - they have been the absolute worst moments of my life. (One actually happened on a motorbike). However, seeing death face-to-face like this really impacted me. Every moment we have on earth is a gift to be cherished. There is danger in everything we do. From the moment we're born, we're in danger. Some people let that consume them. Sometimes, I want to let that consume me. I've been driving a motorbike around Chiang Mai since October and it scares the shit out me. I feel like just when I start to get comfortable, I see a motorbike accident and it reminds me I need to continue to focus and pay attention to everything when I'm on that thing. There have been times as well that I have wanted to ditch my helmet, so I could finally do something nice with my hair. Fortunately, the helmet has always won, and definitely after what I witnessed today - always will.
I'm not going to stop doing what I love because I'm scared. Being aware of that has only increased my vigilance and I take care of my surroundings. Back home, I used to suffer from road rage. That's pretty much all but disappeared here. Thais are crazy fucking drivers, there's no point yelling and stressing about it - I'll just do my best to go with the flow and stay out of their way!
Life is fragile and delicate. Cherish each waking moment you have because within a fraction of a second, it could all vanish. When you walk out the door, at the very least say "goodbye" to whoever you're with - it pains me to think this man didn't. My thoughts are with his family tonight as I feel terribly sad for them.
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