I'm a HUGE Game of Thrones fan. The books. The show. All of it. Last week, a fellow I follow on Twitter tweeted "Game of Thrones is to other TV shows like the Pats (Patriots) are to other football teams". That statement is absolutely false for two reasons: I LOVE Game of Thrones, and I HATE the fucking Patriots. I started thinking which houses/cities I would associate the Patriots and Broncos with if the NFL was based in Westeros. Once I started thinking about my reasoning for relating these two NFL teams, I started thinking about other teams and where they would belong to in Westeros...IF Westeros and Essos existed and IF the NFL was based out of Westeros and Essos.
Here is my (admittedly biased, but all in good fun) list of where an NFL team would be from if the NFL came out of Westeros and Essos.
Denver Broncos: Winterfell
First, Winterfell = cold and snow, like Denver...very fitting. Also, most fans of the show love the Starks, and the Broncos were recently named "America's Team"...again, very fitting. Finally, the Lannister's do a damn good job at Stark-killing...chopping off Ned's head, Robb and the dreadful Red Wedding...I compare this to ripping us to shreds at Foxboro every season. However, much to the Lannister's dismay, the Stark's have had a few good licks in as well...ex: Robb Stark capturing Jaime Lannister in the Whispering Wood. I liken that to the Denver Broncos Championship Game win against the Patriots last year. The Broncos have the ability to take out the Patriots, it's just really fucking difficult. Dear Patriots: Winter is Coming (which really doesn't effect you since you're used to it, but still...WINTER IS COMING!)
New England Patriots: Casterly Rock
This is actually a compliment...I mean, the Patriots are a good team, just like the Lannisters have a lot of power. But, the only people who like the Lannisters are themselves. Pretentious, easily angered, and power hungry. They kill a lot of people as the Patriots have killed a lot of teams in the NFL. The Lannisters, well, they don't have a fan base that compares to the Stark's. Just like the Patriots' fan base doesn't compare to the Broncos'.
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| A sea of beautiful ORANGE! |
Seattle Seahawks: Storm's End
The Seahawks are like the Baratheon's seated at Storm's End. Kings of the Seven Kingdoms, but not for long. They had their glory, now it's fading away. Just like the Baratheon's. Also, folks want to cheer for the Baratheon's, but in the end, they follow whoever sits on the Iron Throne. A bunch of bandwagoners.
Oakland Raiders: Iron Islands
Bless 'em. They try. Those pillaging fools. But they just. keep. losing.
San Diego Chargers: The Twins
The Frey's...Those back-stabbing sons of bitches. They have the power to do damage to the Starks, same as the Chargers have power to do damage to the Broncos.
Kansas City Chiefs: Dreadfort
Like the Bolton's to Starks, you think the Chiefs are friendly to the Broncos (you know, for having a few shitty seasons). But also like the Bolton's (Ramsay Snow), they have Jamaal Charles, who can flay the hell out of defenses. It's kind of fun, in a morbid way, watching the Bolton's torture their captives, same as it's kind of fun, in a morbid way, watching the Chiefs do well....only to be shut out by Denver. I shall re-name Jamaal Charles to Jamaal Snow, Bastard of Kansas City and flayer of NFL defenses!
Dallas Cowboys: Dorne/Sunspear
If you're only a watcher of the show and not a reader of the books, I would assume Dorne gained a big fan base after Oberyn Martell showed up in King's Landing with his poisoned spear and beautiful accent. The Cowboys have always had a huge fan base and have always been known as "America's Team". Dorne is also hot and sandy, and deserty. Like Texas. Also, the Prince of Dorne has a really bad case of gout. I think Tony Romo does as well.
New Orleans Saints: Riverrun
We like Riverrun. Like the Saints, they're not extremely powerful, but they get in there every now and then.
Minnesota Vikings: Beyond the Wall
C'mon, Minnesota? Freezing temperatures, a shit ton of snow? Just like Beyond the Wall. Also BtW, there are giants and grumpkins and mammoths, just what I picture in Minnesota.
New York Giants: Eyrie
The Arryns, they just stay out of everything, up there in their impregnable fortress, high in the mountains. Just like the Giants, bless 'em. Do they even know it's football season?
Green Bay Packers: Oldtown
The Packers are an old and wise team. Just like Oldtown, where the Maester's of Westeros are made and molded.
Miami Dolphins: White Harbor
Because basically, White Harbor sits on the coast and no one knows too much about them.
New York Jets: Deepwood Motte
Like the Glover's of Deepwood Motte, the Jets just aren't doing well.
Washington Redskins: Astapor
They're called the "Red"skins. Astapor is known as the Red City. Astapor also isn't faring too well, just like the Redskins.
Jacksonville Jaguars: Dragonstone
Poor Dragonstone. It's just poor and broken down. Similar to the Jaguars' season.
San Francisco 49ers: Lannisport
They're trying to be powerful. But the Seahawks are to the 49ers as the Lannister's are to the Reyne's of Castamere. Annihilators. Cue the violin...
Arizona Cardinals: Myr
The red priest Thoros comes from Myr. He has the ability to bring people back from the dead. The Cardinals, who are red, having been playing their 2nd string quarterback all season, and killing it. Now they're on their 3rd string quarterback. And Beric Dondarrion is dead. For real this time.
Indianapolis Colts: Highgarden
The Colts are up there in the power house race. So is Highgarden. Andrew Luck doesn't want to be just Luck. He wants to be THE Luck. Out of the shadow of one, Peyton Manning.
St. Louis Rams: Lys
Lys has sorcerers. The Rams like to play tricks. Sorcery-type tricks. Anyone remember the Seattle game?
Cleveland Browns: The Red Waste
Johnny Football. Need I say more?
And now I'm out of clever quips...but here's the rest of my list:
Tennessee Titans: Moat Cailin
Philadelphia Eagles: Horn Hill
Detroit Lions: Braavos
Chicago Bears: Pentos
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Tarth
Carolina Panthers: Maidenpool
Atlanta Falcons: Qarth
Pittsburgh Steelers: Saltpans
Baltimore Ravens: Yronwood
Houston Texans: Yunkai
Buffalo Bills: Acorn Hill
Here's hoping a Stark, I mean Snow (cough, cough) will soon sit the Iron Throne. And the Lombardi trophy will be housed in Denver! Go Broncos!!
Happy Trails!
P.S. If you're wondering why I've left out the Targaryens, well, Daenerys moves around quite a bit until she "settles" in Meereen. Also, there is no NFL team worthy enough to be a Targaryen. Not even Denver.
